Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Accepting Mediocracy

I know I'm in the middle of this whole recap 2011 thing. Let's be real, no one really cares about my life last year that much, and I need a break. July will be coming soon though...promise! (Especially since I work a ton next week, oh joy)

The topic I want to talk about is one that's been on my mind a lot lately, and frankly causing me to lose some sleep. Don't you wish you could turn your brain off at night? 
Recently my mind's been wandering quite a bit about the future. How do you know what is right and what isn't when considering the long term? It's such a hard concept to grasp, especially in your early twenties. This is partly because our generation owns the right that we can change our minds whenever we feel like it. It's a blessing and a curse if you ask me.

I mean I look back at something as simple as my taste in clothing a mere four years ago and can't even understand what I was thinking. 
This was taken my freshmen summer of college. No, this wasn't a luau theme party.  And cool plastic necklace Taylor...See what I mean about my taste quickly changing!
How do you know what is going to change as far as your preference, perspective and behavior? And with that, how do you know what is permanent in life; what is bound to last forever and remain a true constant? If someone says they are going to be there forever, are they really? How do they even really know they will be? And will you want them there 5, 10, 15, years from now? What about your job, where you live, your friends, and the decision to eventually have kids? You can't exactly get rid of those once you have them.
LOL I would get stuck with this child...
I guess all these questions really lead to just one main idea. What is the age or how do you know that all that's changing has leveled itself out? Do we really finally plateau or are we doomed by our own changing perspective forever? I guess you just have to trust your instinct, maturity level, and judgement. I mean what else can you do? It's just freaking scary, I'll say that much.
My realization is that I don't understand what the big rush is. As cliche as it sounds, the journey is half the fun. If you rush into the "long term" and the "forevers", not only is it bound to not last if you aren't ready, but you also miss there here and now. Sometimes it's easy to let your mind wander, worry, or become insecure about the future. I know I have been guilty of that A LOT lately. It is important to remember to enjoy the moment and have faith. Faith that if all that you're happy about is meant to be, it will be forever. Faith that if you want to change your mind it's for the best. And faith that if you are let down you will get through it and be a better person because of it.
I don't really know if any of this make sense, but it makes me feel better to get it off my chest. Maybe someone else can relate too, or maybe I'm just a crazy person. I'm thinking it's probably more of the ladder. Oh well.

At times like these Billy Joel always sings to my heart:

So my 2012 goals are
-stop second guessing and being insecure
-enjoy the moment, and have a little more faith that all will work out
-oh and get back in shape, duh, had to have one typical resolution in there...yes I am one of those people crowding the gym in January, sorry about it!


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